On Self Awareness

It's really cool when you start to realize interesting tid-bits about yourself. I've been realizing more and more random facts about myself lately... especially these past few months. I think it has something to do with adjusting to life changes, making important educational decisions, meeting new and different people, and growing up in general.

I feel that the more you understand about yourself, the better you'll be at handling yourself and interacting with those around you. The more you know about why you "tick" the way you do, the more likely you'll be able to understand why others are the way they are. And this can really help you maneuver through the rocky edges of relationships. Not only that, but it's sort of fun. Self-discovery... little things.

I like realizing that I make sure to look people in the eyes when they are talking to me. I like knowing that though I'm a sports fan, I couldn't tell you the first thing about what team is doing better than who right now, or what the stats are for so-and-so. I like the fact that I'm pretty apathetic when it comes to political subject matter. And then again, it's good to know that my apathy comes from the fact that I'm naive about political hoo-ha in general. I never use the term "hoo-ha," by the way...

I think we should all take some time off from our busy days of work, school, and running around with friends, to have to ourselves and just sit with our thoughts, contemplate our feelings, and learn to understand ourselves before we go and try to make sense of everything and everyone else around us. I've been telling this to some of my friends lately- a simple lesson I learned from my mom- Sometimes you need to take care of YOU first, or you'll never be able to take care of others. Taking care might not always mean the same thing. Sometimes it might mean meeting needs, while other times it would mean understanding. Either way you take it, my point is that self-awareness and learning to be okay with who you are is a crucial aspect of entering into and maintaining any relationships you have, including a relationship with the Lord.

Back to Blogging

Life has gotten more interesting, to say the least. So I'm going to write about it.

I never thought my life was really interesting enough to bother blogging about, but what I've realized is that blogging isn't all about your life and the outward "goings-on"... it's about thoughts, dreams, realizations, other people, society, politics, religion, faith, family, interests, friends, time spent, time spend bad, time spent well, something worth saying, actions worth doing, fights worth fighting...it's about your affect on me and my affect on you. It's about typing the word affect and not being sure if you're using it correctly because grammer never really was your strong point. Nor was spelling, for that matter.

Blogging is about rambling. Blogging is about secrets. Fears. Failures and fortunes. It's about using incomplete sentences because that's how my mind thinks... in incomplete sentences.

It's about repeating myself over and over until I've convinced myself.
It's about getting things off my conscious so that I'm able to forgive myself.
It's about being bored and procrastination.
It's about being able to speak out without having to hear everyone elses counter argument.

Blogging is about being myself. By myself. For now, at least.
It's about discovery. Maybe some day my little words and big thoughts will be uncovered and read by many. Maybe it will change a life. Touch a heart. Mend a soul. Dry a tear. Cause a tear. Create a laugh. Crack a smile. Strike a conversation. Cause someone to second guess. Get someone to ask. Allow someone to care. Free someone. Show someone truth. Give someone hope. Maybe it will get you to understand me because you never understood me before.

Blogging is about...whatever you let it be about.

This is a gift...

i'm constantly reminding myself that all things have a purpose. that even though we might find ourselves in life situations that cause us pain and loneliness, or leave us with a bruised heart, it will eventually be okay. though this is the truth, it's so surface level. it's one of those things you tell people to make them feel better, but it never really makes them feel better. so rather than looking at current situations as something that will pass, maybe i should look at them as something to embrace.

why embrace something you don't like... don't want... didn't ask for?
because sometimes, even when you don't realize it at first, god has given you a gift. i believe it is possible to look at things from a different perspective and find the blessing instead of the bitterness during the trials of this life.

god is patient with me; i will not keep him waiting
god is kind to me; i will express my gratitude daily
god does not envy; he knows that i am only his no matter how far i stray
god does not boast; his will is carried out no matter what
god is not proud; i will humble myself in him
god is not rude; he loves me wholeheartedly
god is not self seeking; he has my best interest in mind at all times
god is not easily angered; he knows i am not perfect but loves me just the same
god keeps no record of wrongs; he doesn't only forgive my sins, he completely forgets them
...god never fails me.

Sunset at 7

praise the lord... he is so beautiful. he truly romanced me today, in my favorite way. the sun. see, lately the weather has been miserable and drab. gray...overcast...rainy. not at all how it should feel over spring break. so i went to work out, and when i came out of the rec center i realized the sky had cleared. on the way home, i drove to the top of a street hill and from there i could see, in perfect view, a bright orange ball of light slowly making its way to the shadowed trees on the horizon. i had a green light, but i didn't go. i just sat there...gazing at this masterpiece that i hadn't seen practically all week. turning the car around, i headed to the park nearby. there i found the best spot... i parked right infront of a pond, got out of my car, and sat on the hood to enjoy the last few moments the sun could still be seen in my lonely texas sky. people always told me growing up, "don't stare directly at the sun!" but i didn't care. i looked right at it. i breathed in its warmth and meditated on its beauty. god brought me the sun today. he knew how bad i wanted it. how bad i needed it. and in that moment, remembering how my savior loves me more than anyone ever will, i knew it was all for me. and i cried...for once, tears of joy.

david crowder wrote a book called praise habit. the subtitle is "finding god in sunsets and sushi." in this book, david talks about the many ways to praise god throughout your day and how you can find him in objects and settings all around you. god is romancing us... and it's breathtaking when we realize it!